posted
I see how it can be depressing to focus on the goal of eternal marriage, even though ironically that's what we're supposed to do, as Elder Richard Scott once said, "Live for it; pray for it."
So, what are some of the things you (singles only please) do to cast off the doldrums and look forward to the day when you can have this blessing?
I'll start with the "Sunday School Three": Fast, Pray, Read Scriptures.
posted
I work all the time. ALL THE TIME. (Well other than when I'm posting on Nauvoo) That way my mind doesn't have time to go there. I've heard it said that the more you focus on it, the less likely it (finding love) is to happen, and the converse, when you're not looking for it, is when it will happen. Neither one has worked for me yet. So I take the "let's not think about it" approach.
posted
Working and other avoidance tacks are good, but I guess I was referring more to the counsel to constantly seek and "live for, pray for" eternal marriage while not becoming despondent.
If someone ignores the counsel or puts it on the back burner, is she jeopardizing her chances for eternal marriage?
Coming from my old life, pre-marriage/divorce, dating was something I took for granted, but I never saw it as a commandment that I was supposed to keep if I wanted to live with God forever. All Christians who led moral lives would live with God forever, regardless of marital status.
Now that I'm a member, I struggle with the commandment to marry; either it's something I will be able to do, or something that Heavenly Father will drop into my lap at the appropriate moment.
However it unfolds, it's hard to know that there's an ordinance in the temple I have no control over. Since I believe in the Church and I intend to keep all the laws and covenants, I struggle to know how much I should be doing to let this come to pass.
Our partriatrchal (sp) blessings (or mine anyway) say that blessings will come depending on our faithfulness. So, every time I think a sexual thought, or am unkind to someone, or whatever, I constantly think I must immediately repent or I won't be worthy of the marriage blessing. Maybe I'm understanding things wrong.
And then, there's no other commandment that has so much to do with our physical bodies. The Word of Wisdom has never been a problem for me, but I guess I don't see why I might have to sacrifice having a normal physical relationship if I choose not to marry a Mormon, and the choice seems to be a commandment.
So what are some ways you guys deal with some of these issues? Do you talk about this with other singles? With your bishop? Do you try dating outside the Church if there aren't many members in your area? Do you try online dating and other online communities? Do you cry yourself to sleep? Do you "give up" and make the decision to repent later when you're stronger?
posted
I'm with you on this one, naomi, in that what was once seen as a possible life path is now made more imperative by its "reward", eternity in the Celestial Kingdom. I suppose I can make due living forever in the second level (I get mixed up on the names) than fretting in this life about whether I will make status for the high rent district in the next life.
We have an older man at church who lost his wife of 25 years, cries about it every F/T Sunday, got depressed when another woman recently dumped him, and has now (2 short months hence) asked a sister in the ward to marry him. I didn't even know they were dating. To judge by him, no man should be wifeless for long. I guess I just don't see marriage as something I must do NOW! I'm trying to reconcile my bad yet not quite disolved marriage to try to find a new husband any time soon.
To answer part of your question, I don't pray, or fast or read scripture about it. I just find things I can do to help others, have a little fun and not stress about my marital status.
Posts: 1765 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
There is an article in Meridian Magazine about faith, called What Faith Is and Isn't .
It helps me to read not only scripture, but what others have to say about faith, or any other principle or doctrine we are working on.
I have also read a simple little book with a long title that has some very helpful insights in it. It is called Before You Get to Heaven: 8 Mighty Changes God Wants for You by D. Kelly Ogden. I find that if I read these sorts of things, it helps me to get a grasp on what is important and what our purpose in life is and what we can do to strengthen ourselves.
At first glance, it seems like, "What has this got to do with eternal marriage?" The way I see it, while eternal marriage is a goal we should live for and pray for, the gospel isn't a one-note song. Everything works together. If we work on ourselves and on serving others, we are doing what we were put here for and we will have other things to think about besides where our eternal companion is.
On a side note, I do not believe that the physical side of marriage will be absent in the next life.
Does everyone believe they possess an eternal partner before they're born, and just need to find them, or is that something HF matches up as we grow up in our lives?
Contrary to Saturday's Warrior, no, we don't believe that there are soulmates or intended people for us to marry from the premortal existence. More often than not there are multiple righteous people we could fall in love with, marry and be happy with living somewhere in the world. When you find someone you think you'd like to marry, the best way to approach it is to pray and ask whether the union would please our Heavenly Father (as opposed to asking if "this is the one"). At least that's what I heard from my YW leaders and from LDS speakers during my teens.
My personal experience is the following. I was told in my patriarchal blessing that a special young man was being prepared for me. When I met Zeta and we were considering marriage I did pray about it using the language above. My answer was, "Yes, this is the young man I prepared for you." I wasn't expecting something that specific. Perhaps it is because I'm hard to get along with and there are fewer personalities that could have stood being married to me
I personally believe that Heavenly Father does know enough to know who we will come into contact with and who we will choose to marry. I think He tries to prepare each individual for the marriage that will result. So, in some ways, that could be interpreted as Him having someone intended for us. However, in looking at this situation, I am simplifying the balance of foreknowledge, free choice, and other philosophical quandries that have been hashed out in other folders. I don't think that we were assigned spouses in the premortal life.
I'm going to break the rules and post as a married person. I wasn't that old when I got married (23) but I was older than the average LDS girl where I grew up (Utah) and I had graduated from college. I do remember the frustrations and loneliness. My only friends were guys because all of my female friends had gotten married. I went through periods of dating and refusing to date because I was sick of the whole thing. And yes, I met my husband when I finally was enjoying being single. I remember thinking, "Why did it have to happen now? I'm having fun!!"
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. Being married is nice but there are a lot of nice things about being single that I sometimes miss. There's a lot more freedom to do things you are interested in like travel, hobbies, etc. It's not like your spouse will become the only thing in your world. You will want to improve yourself and have accomplishments still. I wish I'd taken advantage of the extra time I had to become a better pianist or to accomplish something really worthwhile. It just becomes harder the more people you become responsible for. I had more time for personal development before marriage. Those things get put on the back burner especially when you become a parent. I wish I'd taken advantage of the time I wasted as a single person, especially the time I spent dreaming about being married.
Besides being a good way to use your time, developing skills and hobbies can help you to meet more people and to become more attractive. Establishing habits and making goals is the most easy while single. If you develop a habit and skill now you will reap the rewards forever even if you don't get married in this life. THose things will be a blessing in your marriage when you get married, whether in this life or the next.
Perhaps the best way to pray about marriage (as Elder Scott suggested) is to focus on your preparation rather than your unmarried state. Pray over your activities that they might prepare you for marriage and prayerfully consider which activities are most appropriate. That way your goal is still marriage in the eternities, but your current focus is on something you can control and see progress in.
At every phase of life there are things that may make life seem unpleasant. Since realizing I had the wrong attitude as a single person, I am trying to have a good attitude with my daughter. She is very clingy and wants me ALL of the time. There are some days when I'm ready to go nuts. However, there are wondeful parts of it too. She gives me lots of hugs and kisses and I'm the most important person in her world. That won't always be true and so I'm trying to appreciate it. Whether you're married, have children or not, or any other life circumstance, there will always be pluses and minuses. Developing the ability to enjoy the positive and not focus on the negative will be beneficial no matter what happens in your life.
Hope that doesn't sound too preachy coming from a married person. I'm not trying to trivialize your loneliness, desire to be married, etc as a single person just hopefully give you something to think about. Actually, this post was beneficial for me. I really like the idea of focusing prayerfully on what I can control in my life now and making goals to prepare for things the Lord is having me wait for (for me right now it is having other children--I have miscarried 2 out of my 3 pregnancies).
posted
Naomi, I don't have any good methods. Mostly, I practice denial, and that seems to work as well as anything else has for me. I tried praying about it for several years, but in hindsight I realized I was making up my own answers, so I quit praying about it.
I want to comment on this:
quote: Our partriatrchal (sp) blessings (or mine anyway) say that blessings will come depending on our faithfulness. So, every time I think a sexual thought, or am unkind to someone, or whatever, I constantly think I must immediately repent or I won't be worthy of the marriage blessing. Maybe I'm understanding things wrong.
I think that direction that says blessings depend on faithfulness is pretty standard language, and is something that every Church member needs to work on. It's good to immediately repent when you do something wrong. However, I think the idea that you have to "earn" these blessings is a little bit off. None of us are good enough to "earn" any of the blessings the Gospel promises us. It is a paradox of sorts. We are supposed to do all we can to be righteous and faithful, but the blessings are a gift from God's generosity, not anything we merit on our own.
Posts: 4767 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
**Is a married person allowed to answer that question?**
Actually, zeta, I do ask because I never found mine and took second best. Or if we don't have a prematch, HF goofed with me. Well, maybe not, because I can say that this fiasco of a marriage strengthened me in ways nothing else could.
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posted
I've read suggestions of church related activities - but what about getting involved in something that you are passonate about? Be it sports, volunteering, politics, professional organizations, artistic clubs, single parents clubs - anything that gets you out of your normal routine and into something that you enjoy. There are so many people, so many LDS people that live outside our normal boxes of existence that you will never have an opportunity to meet unless you leave your normal box of living. I think if you find something that you enjoy doing without being part of a couple, you will increase your chance of becoming a couple. People are so much more approachable when they are happy.
Posts: 5136 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
How do you know when you meet other LDS? One lady saw my CTR ring and started talking to me. But other than a few obvious ways, what can one do to meet LDS out of church functions?
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