quote: Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.
posted
Singles, if you want to go on more than one or two dates with someone, kiss them. Some are tooooooo prude....
Posts: 666 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
This thread seems to be a good place to post a funny story:
I got my hands on tickets to a symphony concert, and chose someone to ask out. The girl happily said yes, until I told her what day the concert was. She's in the Relief Society Presidency and had to support her Singles' ward's Date Night that night. In other words, a set-up date night kept her from going on a real date.
I hope efforts to encourage more active dating doesn't keep more singles from finding companions they naturally get along with.
Posts: 153 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
I didn't mean that all of these things were qualifications to date, or to find a marriage partner. Those few things I listed about being happy in my own skin, having a less complicated life, working on being Christ-centered. I just find that focusing on these things rather than who might ask me out; or who might make a perfect match tends to be a better use of time and as each area improves the likelihood someone great will come along, ask me out; or maybe I should be bold enough to ask him; and a relationship will grow from there.
I think my point in my previous posting was that if we wouldn't date "Ourselves" why would we expect that someone else might?
Two things I wanted to post on here and see what feed back comes is; Do we trust our instincts when a guy asks us out and we feel stirrings that say "this guy's creepy, or just not right" When he allows the option of going to church with us? Or would you recommend giving him a chance, or letting him come to church and experience that but make it clear that it isn't a date?
Secondly should a girl consider asking (a) guy (s)out and if so under what circumstances? I typically think a guy should do the asking, call me a traditionalist.
quote: Do we trust our instincts when a guy asks us out and we feel stirrings that say "this guy's creepy, or just not right" When he allows the option of going to church with us?
It sounds like inviting someone to Church who may be interested in you more than religion. Am I right? Or is it like offering someone in the ward a ride to the meetings? In either case, I've noticed that creepiness is hard to conceal in the dating pool. The Spirit has told me on a few occasions specifically NOT to date a specific girl, and boy was I smart to obey. You can set things up so you're not paired off, like bringing another friend/roommate.
As far as being happy in my own skin, I like dating girls who I admire but who don't look down on me. When I'm with them I notice changes I need to make in my life, but I get excited to make them, too. That way, I stay aware of my options and improve myself at the same time.
Posts: 153 | Registered: Nov 2005
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It is def. a case of the guy being more interested in me. He isn't a local. I've been warring I guess between the fact that he has thus far seemed a bit stalker-ish, even though I only see him at work. And I don't think I want him to know where I worship; and The coincidence of His asking about even going to Church and the Church's push to inviting people to church.
but I am going to take the nugget of advice that if I can say I am not being judgmental but am still getting bad vibes than it is a bad thing to do either.
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God definitely cares about your dating efforts. When I was dating my wife, she was gonnna break up with me... gratefully the Spirit intervened...
quote: God definitely cares about your dating efforts. When I was dating my wife, she was gonnna break up with me... gratefully the Spirit intervened...
--Ray
I've had nearly the exact same experience, just opposite. God causes women who aren't going to be my wife to break things off. Marvelous how that inspiration works.
[ April 02, 2009, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: Jason ]
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
My hubby was planning to break up with me, until the Spirit directed him to propose. Wow, that date could've been a LOT different. Who would I be today?
Posts: 5841 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote: My hubby was planning to break up with me, until the Spirit directed him to propose. Wow, that date could've been a LOT different. Who would I be today?
posted
See now on the OP...I think the guys get more of a tough time of it sometimes than they deserve. I'm a gal and lord knows I'm not this floaty angel of mercy drifting down from heaven to pull you single fellas up out of your muddy natural state into the redeeming state of celestial marriage! I find that rather insulting when there are just as many girls in a state of muddiness that may need an absolute angel of a man to help them back up on their feet! What happened to working together for heaven's sake? Bah!
I'd also say to the girls out there: don't play head games ugh. That kind of fluffy crud worked in grade school but it don't cut the mustard especially when you are making the older singles rounds. I was never one to mess with a guy's head or pitch boys against each other. My only fault was (is) being so socially awkward and shy so a lot of times I probably gave off mixed signals without even meaning to! I'll really have to take a strong intervention of the Spirit when the right guy comes along as I'm still not sure how to address that particular dating obstackle.
Posts: 409 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Consider) 1) The LDS ideal has men principally expected to provide for the family, with women principally expected to bear and nurture children.
2) In order to get a job that pays enough to support a family (especially health-care benefits) they must (with uncommon exceptions) have more education or training than is provided in high school: Usually a 4-year degree.
3) To get a college degree requires usually at least four years; more, in technical fields. 4) Therefore, men who pursue an LDS ideal are often force to choose between
a) put their young families through substantial hardship while they pursue their education, while being told how selfish they are by making their wives work/raise kids, or both, while they get an education,
b) mark time and delay getting married until they finish college, while being told how irresponsible they are for not getting married younger.
God help any man who has any non-visible impediment or stumbles in either education or emploment, because he's going to get chastised regularly in talks and sermons and shunned if not crucified upon the ideal by the more judgmental among his fellow Saints.
Posts: 401 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
makes you wonder how the human species manages to propagate at all, now that there are all these expectations... Posts: 13019 | Registered: Oct 98
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quote: God help any man who has any non-visible impediment or stumbles in either education or employment, because he's going to get chastised regularly in talks and sermons and shunned if not crucified upon the ideal by the more judgmental among his fellow Saints.
Elder Holland's talk this conference reminded me that in the moments when I feel the loneliest I also feel My Father watching over me and guiding my preparations as I look for the elusive "Her." He knows my whole story, though others may think they have my "problems" all figured out for me.
Posts: 153 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote: a) put their young families through substantial hardship while they pursue their education, while being told how selfish they are by making their wives work/raise kids, or both, while they get an education,
Maybe I haven't been listening, but I have NEVER heard a man castigated in these circumstances, except in two instances in which the man then divorced the wife who had worked to put him through school as soon as he was supporting himself.
Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jul 2002
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quote:4) Therefore, men who pursue an LDS ideal are often force to choose between
a) put their young families through substantial hardship while they pursue their education, while being told how selfish they are by making their wives work/raise kids, or both, while they get an education,
b) mark time and delay getting married until they finish college, while being told how irresponsible they are for not getting married younger.
Or, there's the third option: Go ahead and get married but wait to have children until he has finished college, so he doesn't have to choose between either a) quitting school to work to support them, b) trying to go to school and work at the same time and never seeing them, or c) having his wife work to put him through school and putting the children in day care.
In case you couldn't tell, that's what we did. It's hard when there are conflicting ideals - be a good dad and be there for your kids as much as possible ("Isn't it about time?"); don't make their mother work outside the home; provide for your family; but don't delay having kids. Sometimes you simply cannot do them all and have to choose the configuration of "best things" that is best for YOUR family.
posted
Regarding the chastisement about pursuing education while supporting a family...perhaps it's not prominent, but in some places and some families, it can indeed be found. Especially if he starts or restarts the education after he's started the family. But even without that, the prospect of supporting a family on student loans or a part-time income is daunting. Just asking where the extra money is going to come from in case of the wife or children get sick, and not having a good answer is enough to give any responsible man a few willies about starting a family.
quote: But even without that, the prospect of supporting a family on student loans or a part-time income is daunting. Just asking where the extra money is going to come from in case of the wife or children get sick, and not having a good answer is enough to give any responsible man a few willies about starting a family.
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whatever the case with the whole kid-having thing... PLEASE get married BEFORE you start having kids.
It's okay to be married a couple years before you have your first one... though my wife and I had no desire to wait, and within three months of marriage she was pregnant! And we've NEVER regretted having someone as precious as our children in our lives... it is SOOOO much better than money... of couse... who knows now that they're getting into the teen years...
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Online education is a great option in many fields. My husband went to school before we got married but gave it up to support our first child (he just couldn't make enough while going to school. He was working 3 jobs at the time, there were no hours left after sleep and Sundays.) When things were a little more stable (he had a job where he made "enough" working just 60 hours a week instead of 80) he was able to complete his degree online, which in turn led to an even better job and less hours (well, except during tax season but that's an occupational hazard. ) It's been a real blessing for our family that, in his chosen career at least, it is now entirely possible to get a quality education (well, at least the last 2 years or so of a quality education) while still spending time with your kids and supporting your family.
So when my little brother moans about how he can't work even part time while taking half an academic load of classes... Well, it makes me quite a bit. Posts: 8147 | Registered: Aug 2004
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I'll really have to take a strong intervention of the Spirit when the right guy comes along as I'm still not sure how to address that particular dating obstackle.
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It's hard when there are conflicting ideals - be a good dad and be there for your kids as much as possible ("Isn't it about time?"); don't make their mother work outside the home; provide for your family; but don't delay having kids. Sometimes you simply cannot do them all and have to choose the configuration of "best things" that is best for YOUR family.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) It's been a real blessing for our family that, in his chosen career at least, it is now entirely possible to get a quality education (well, at least the last 2 years or so of a quality education) while still spending time with your kids and supporting your family.![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
quite a bit. 
