posted
Sorry for the strange subject. But i'm really curious as to how I can deal with a situation that has recently come about.
We just had our first son about 6 weeks ago. We also moved and began attending a new ward two weeks ago. So i'm a little high-strung at the moment with all of the stress anyway. I'm having a hard time dealing with all of the people at the meetings who want to poke and prod at my son. I'm trying so hard to be gracious, but I don't know any of the people there and it enfuriates me when complete strangers think it's okay to just touch and poke and hold without asking.
A lot of it's just that "new mom" fear. But he was also born around 2 months premature, so his immune system is not what it should be. I don't know if any of them have washed their hands or if they've been sick recently. Another thing is that they want to pick him up when he's asleep, right before the meeting begins, thus waking him up. So now he's awake and fussing during the entire meeting whereas if they had just left him alone he would normally sleep through the entire thing.
My biggest problem is that people don't even ask. Everyone just snatches him up out of his carseat. It offends me a little bit that they don't even ask.
I'm in the middle of trying to make friends in this ward and trying to get to know people. So I really don't want to burn any bridges by coming across as rude or cold. I just want to find a way to politely tell them no. I've tried putting a blanket over his carseat before taking him inside the building so that he's covered thinking it would deter them from doing it. But it didn't work, the first eldery woman that crossed our path in the doorway pulled it down and pinched his cheeks.
I don't want to be rude, but I really have to find a way to get people to back off a little. But I also want to seem friendly. Any thoughts or advice? I hope i'm not being neurotic about this, but it really upsets me.
Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
I wear my baby in a sling and people are much more reluctant to touch her when she's in it. I think they are less willing to intrude into my personal space (especially since her head is usually snuggled right up against my chest) than hers.
Posts: 8167 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
(Quite honestly, I'm surprised you even bring him! I've learned just not to take my baby to church the first month or so, and if he was premature, I wouldn't do it until he was at least 3 months old-- 1 month adjusted.)
Posts: 8167 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I'm thinking the best thing you can do is to tell everyone that comes into contact with you and your son (aka, the pokers) that he's got a weakened immune system.
Be gentle, but firm in requesting hands off. It sounds like you're going to have to be a guard and when someone comes up when he's sleeping, just say that he needs his sleep before they can touch him.
(You could consider unwrapping his little feet for people to play with if he's not sleeping. At his age, those are less likely to make it into his mouth and you could wash them when you got home.)
Since he was 2 months preemie and he's only 6 weeks old, that puts him two weeks away from being full-term even. That is too little for lots of "grandmas" and "aunts" in my book.
I've never been in this exact situation, but I can say that people were somewhat less likely to come poke at my babies when I was actually holding them. That might be a good line of defense.
You've seen how the people in this ward behave. Taking good care of your son need not be seen as cold or impolite. Perhaps you can distract some people by asking them questions about themselves(along with requesting hands off) when they come to poke. It will take some time and vigilence, but eventually you should be able to get most of them onboard with how you'd like things done.
Posts: 643 | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
Take your lipstick and paint bright red dots on his face; apply rouge to his cheeks to make it look like he has a high-grade fever. When people try to poke him or pick him up yell at them that he is contagious; be vague about what it is that he has. Posts: 3375 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Maybe try taping a note to his carseat: "PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!!! I'm not well enough for strangers yet!"
Or move to my ward. I'll be your bodyguard and I will most ungraciously slap any hand that gets too close. Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I'd go with KQ's suggestion to stay home for a month or more. If you don't want to be rude, and you don't want people to touch your baby, that's your only choice.
If you're polite about asking people to not touch your baby, there are lots of people who will think you're not serious and will touch the baby anyway. You've either got to be rude, or just not be there in the first place.
I haven't been to church since my baby was born six weeks ago. I hear you on the "high-strung" issue too. I'm really nervous with a newborn, and I do much better if I just limit contact with people entirely for the first couple months.
You can be friendly next month.
ETA: And a huge congratulations! My baby's birthday is April 3 and he's a boy too! He's our second.
I was a lot nicer to people with the first baby because I wanted to be nice. That's when I discovered I was high-strung about a new baby. This second time around, I decided to just go with the high-strung thing and not try to pretend I wasn't dying of fear every time someone coughed in the same room with my baby. I even told family members not to come visit immediately because I just didn't want that many people around. As far as I know, no one was permanently offended.
posted
Dyanny's post makes me think I wish you had a bib for your child that said, "Poke-free baby" or "please look but don't touch unless you ask my Mommy/Daddy!"
OR- sometype of hightech motion sensor clipped to your baby carrier. As soon as the motion of someone's hand is detected within a certain radius of your baby, it would activate a message that says to please not touch. Done in a humorous way, it might be something! ( I have a Halloween bowl that plays various messages when one puts their hand in the candy bowl)
Posts: 8601 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Why don't you call the RS and ask her to announce in RS that you are concerned because she has a compromised immune system and ask that people not touch her until you announce that it is safe to do so. (And then you never announce.) When people ask for more information, say, I am so looking forward to becoming friends with you all, what did you say your name is? Or what books are you reading these days? Or some other non-sequitor.
Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2005
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