posted
To clarify, my understanding of a group date was where a group of kids do something together - not paired. I was curious about the 16 years old only group dating and 18 years old for single dating standard, so I did a search. In my search, I found that groups dating was described at groups of paired individuals going out together. I also found many statements that said don't date until you are 16, then start with group or double dates. I could find nothing about only group dates at 16 and then individual dates at 18. Is it spelled out in the current standards booklet for the youth?
The age of 18 being the standard for single dates has always been curious to me, as 18 is the age when young men are supposed to be getting ready to put their papers in for their missions. I mean, if they aren't dating before, it just seemed strange time to add that into the mix.
quote: my understanding of a group date was where a group of kids do something together
I was having a similar discussion with my oldest daughter. Group dating was a topic that was dicussed at her YW activity and explained very much as is listed here.
Her response was "so then combined YM/YW Mutual night is nothing more then Church sponsored group dating"
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posted
Group dates are dates with multiple paired couples. So no, Mutual is not Church-sponsored group dates.
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posted
I agree with Jim. Group dating is where you have a partner you have a particular responsibility for, but in a context of being with other couples who have a general responsibility to look out for each other.
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quote:groups dating was described at groups of paired individuals going out together
That has always been my understanding. "Group of kids do something together" doesn't make sense to me because like described above that would include church sponsored activities and stake dances. A 5 yo birthday party could be counted as a group date under that definition.
Posts: 4951 | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
To answer the original question, this is what it says in the new FTSOY about dating:
quote:A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better.... You should not date until you are at least 16 years old. When you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality.
This seems to agree with the idea that group dating at 16 means two or more couples, not just a big group of kids. FTSOY does not say anything about a particular age at which to transition from double- or group-dates, but it does say that as you enter your adult years, that's when you make dating and selecting an eternal companion a high priority. It also is fairly clear that developing serious relationships when you are not adult enough to be thinking about marriage is a bad idea. It seems to me that would include young men who have not yet gone on their missions, even if they are 18 and technically "adult".
Oh, man, I did all of these things wrong.
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posted
So the idea of only group dating at 16 and starting single dates at 18 is an exaggeration of the actual standard which has become the common belief?
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quote:The age of 18 being the standard for single dates has always been curious to me, as 18 is the age when young men are supposed to be getting ready to put their papers in for their missions.
In our family we actually made it for after missions for the boys and after high school for our daughter.
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posted
Only group dating at 16, yes. Single dating at 18 may be the local interpretation of "as you enter your adult years". But the Church does not set that as the age when people are allowed to single date. They just suggest that "when you begin dating," you go on double or group dates. I suppose that could be interpreted by youth that "I'm 16 and a half now, been group dating for six months, I'm not "beginning to date" anymore, now I can single date." Sure, if you're planning on getting married at 17.
I think even more important (to me) than the standard of going out with more than one couple is the standard of not getting into an exclusive relationship before you're an adult. That's a really hard one to follow in this world. It's easy to get emotionally attached and become exclusive at a young age, even if you only ever double-date. And when everyone around you is paired off, you feel like a dork if you resist it. Lots of the young women in my ward have boyfriends, and in this part of the world if you go out once or twice with someone, that's it, everyone assumes you're exclusive. In fact some people consider dating a lot of people to be disgusting and cheating.
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posted
The suggestion by general authorities to begin dating with double or group dates could also be interpreted that with each person you date, you start with a group or double date for a while. I don't have a problem with the idea of no single dates until 18 or after mission - , but while no dates until 16 is spelled out, anything else are suggestions. Telling your children or other youth that it is church policy not to start single dating until 18 is not wise, in my opinion. Telling your children that your family rules are so, that's great. One of my sons dated a girl whose family rules were no dates until 21 and definitely no marriage until 26. It seemed strict to me, but the family was happy with it. I actually know a lot of people who started dating at sixteen and did not end up marriage at 17. I also know of girls who never dated at all, just hung out with groups of friends, who ended up pregnant at 15.
quote: So the idea of only group dating at 16 and starting single dates at 18 is an exaggeration of the actual standard which has become the common belief?
I don't recall ever hearing that before, though it could well be common, and I'm just out of touch. I've never really had reason to pay any attention to dating "rules."
Posts: 946 | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
The double at 16 single after 18 is what was preached in my area growing up.
quote:Lots of the young women in my ward have boyfriends, and in this part of the world if you go out once or twice with someone, that's it, everyone assumes you're exclusive. In fact some people consider dating a lot of people to be disgusting and cheating.
We here now with the teenagers have the same problem as mentioned above. If you go out on dates with more than one person it is considered trashy, whoreish, etc. You are easy and looked down on if you go out on a date with one guy one weekend and a different guy the next. I asked my daughter (high school) how are you supposed to know who you want for a boyfriend if you can't date a bunch a different guys first and she says that is what hanging out is for. They go from hanging out to boyfriend/girlfriend then to dating. And so then don't see the point of group dates as you have already found someone. It is a huge battle the kids in the church hear face. If they follow the churches guidelines for dating they are looked at as slutty. It is so weird to me.
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