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Hello, I am new to this posting thing. But am in need of some support or help I suppose. Today I sent my only son and youngest child to the MTC in Provo. I am heart sick. Can't eat or sleep. I feel awful is this normal? How can something that is so good feel so bad? It feels like a lifetime away before I can see him again.
I am no stranger to challenge in the past year I have sent a daughter to California for a experimental fetal surgery in hopes of improving the life of her unborn child with Spina Bifida. She was gone for 5 months while I took care of her other children. I also had to leave my job of 13 years as a librian to do so. In the last 3 months I have buried my Mother-in-law, my mother just 30 days later, and soon it appears we will loose my father-in-law. I cried harder yesterday and today leaving my son , than I did at my mothers funeral. Why is this so hard? How do I get from today to the end?
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OH please tell me name and his mission... I will send him some goodies. I live abt 1 mile from the MTC Of course you are heart sick !!!! I could not believe how painful it was the first time we had a missionary go out. This was when the boys still went to the MTC to check in and not to the stake center to be loaded onto buses... I felt like they were marching off to the black hole and I would never see him again. I moped about for days. I have a boy out in the field now with 6 months to go and my youngest enters the MTC on Dec. 1st. Yes, I have know exactly your heartache. It is normal ... it will pass . And it does go by quickly. write to him right away. Keep your letters positive though. DOn't let him know how mopey you are about having him leave the nest. The Lord will bless your family in so many ways. It is the greatest experience I have ever had. I am sorry about your Mom and your Mom in law. I know that feeling too. Sounds like they are needed in heaven to give guidance to your missionary and your daughter in her trials ahead. They will be watching over you from above. Bless you .
Posts: 724 | Registered: Sep 2004
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SORRY MORE ! and I should say. My husband bawls like a girl as he says goodbye to his beloved sons. but they come home so grown up. They learn such great things ... it is so worth it ! Look to the Moms of the Stripling warriors for strength.
Posts: 724 | Registered: Sep 2004
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brucie: It isn't jr. that needs the goodies, it's maggy!!!
Maggy, You asked if your feelings were "normal." From my experience, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel that way. And contrary to what brucie said, at least for me, it didn't go (and hasn't gone) by quickly for me. In my first son's case, we were sort of ready for him to go. He had become, well, obnoxious before he left. But it was still hard. The second son was equally hard because he had just become pleasant to be with, outgrowing all those weird teenage things. But brucie is right, you will soon see blessings you never thought possible. Having a son on a mission is a great adventure.
And you were right when you hinted that it is the same process as grieving for a family memeber who has passed away. We all grieve differently for different things. Allow yourself the time to heal.
By The Way: If you don't want to post your name here, click on the little envelope next to brucies post and you can email her. But please do: Put your son's mission here. There is a very good chance someone has experiences where he is going.
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Maggy, There is a support group for missionary moms that I think you'll enjoy. Go to http://www.ldsmissionarymoms.com/ and sign up for an e-mail group. There are "general" groups for moms of missionaries anywhere and specific geographic groups for missionaries serving in areas all over the world, including specific regions of the US. The moms have often helped each other through the "I-just-left-my-baby-at-the-MTC-blues." A lot of the moms enjoy the group so much that we don't quit when our kids come home, and there's a group for moms of returned missionaries, too. We'd love to have you join us!
Posts: 1330 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Sending missionaries is heart-rending! I bawled like baby! I envy those who don't live close enough to the MTC to have to endure that awful experience. I think they make it waaay to maudlin and difficult. It's like sitting in the ante-room of the gas chamber waiting for the cyanide pill to drop. For me, it would have been much easier (I think) if I could have just dropped him off at the front door and not gone through that tear-jerker video, the talks by the MTC Pres & wife, and "Called to Serve." I'm not looking forward to it again in a few years. Maggy, you are WAY normal. Trust me, it will get easier, but you'll still have days where you miss them like crazy. As has been said by others, the blessings are so wonderful--it's not just financial (which some done't seem to experience) but some elusive feelings and blessings you can't really put your finger on. Best wishes. Hang in there!
Posts: 206 | Registered: May 2004
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It isn't any easier for those of us who don't go through the say good-bye at the MTC heartbreak. I said good-bye to my missionary daughter at the San Diego airport. It was during the winter Olympics in Salt Lake, and flights into Salt Lake were restricted. You couldn't fly directly from San Diego to Salt Lake, so she had a layover in San Francisco. Most of the parents around here drive their kids to the MTC, but I'm strictly a southern California kid and petrified of driving in snow. I also couldn't afford the trip. So we said good-bye at the airport and I tried not to feel guilty for not being there with her. She called from the San Francisco airport where she was stuck for a couple of hours due to mechanical delays. She was tired, having been up since 3:00 a.m., starving because she was too excited to eat, and nervous because she was going to be late for her report time. I felt awful! As it turned out, she made it to the MTC too late for the last orientation session and the van driver was stopped for speeding on the way there. She got over it and it turned out okay, but at the end of her mission, I went and got her and flew home with her. I couldn't take the guilt!
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Maggy! My baby brother is serving in the Australia Sydney Mandarin-speaking mission right now! Darnit, it isn't Melbourne, so he can't say hi. Anyway, Elder BabyBro is now in the office, and gets to do all the travel arrangements and so forth for new and departing elders. He's had a really good experience on his mission, and has really loved speaking Mandarin and getting to know the Chinese culture. He comes home in three months (gosh, just three months?).
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Maggy: Pink Billy Joe is serving in Australia Perth! (English speaking, however.) Did you know it is as far away from Utah you can get and not be wet? He LOVES Australia. I wonder if Australians have a funny Chinese accent.
Cindytee. You are wise not to drive from San Diego to the MTC. The only good thing you missed was lunch at Brick Oven.
Here is my thread about getting the stuff together for Australia paperwork. You are not alone in your feelings...
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I entered the MTC the day Desert Storm began. My parents left me at the Portland Airport a few days before that. My Mom was so obviously distraught that a lady at the airport asked her if I was going off to war. After that, whenever she was overcome with the heart sickness she reminded herself how thankful she was that I was in the mission field rather than the battle field.
As for myself, I got tearful at the airport, but I was fine until the day after I arrived in the Mission. I woke up that morning with a terrible homesickness that took many weeks to get through. Some days I thought it might be more than I could endure. But as the weeks passed, the pain faded. Throughout the two years I often felt the longing to be home with family, but never did I feel the pain like I did those first few weeks.
Posts: 865 | Registered: Oct 2004
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OH my HECK FIRE !!!! My son is leaving for the MTC ( melbourne mission ) on Dec 1st. They will not be in the MTC at the same time though. yahoo... they can be in Australia together !!! My other missionary is in the Mesa Arizona mission. OH he will love the Melbourne mission !!! I hear such great things. A couple in our ward just returned in July from being the Mish Presidents. And yes Maggie let me send you the goodies !!! and did you just die having to do all those VISA things !!! wow. what a fun thing to discover.
Posts: 724 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Maggie , click on my profile and tell me his name so they can know about each other. My son is going English speaking. And Pink...the paperwork was crazy !!! I could write a book now on how to do that !
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Maggy I haven't done this yet, but I would say it isn't normal for sending your son on a mission, but it is normal. What do I mean? well in the past year you have:
-been separated from your daughter - worried about both her and your grandchild's health -quit your job -taken on reponsibilities of your grandchildren - your MIL passed away - your mom passed away very shortly thereafter - your FIL may follow soon - you sent your son away where you will have little contact with him (few phonecalls and no visits)
I know that I'm just repeating things you said, but I thought in a list form you may see just how much you have gone through. Most of these are are the major stress lists. I think sometimes we find ourselves holding up well until that last thing that really does us in. I do think that parents can have a very difficult time sending their child, but don't be surprised if you are struggling more than others. And don't beat yourself over that. Stress after what you have gone through is very normal.
posted
Gosh, youngmom. That was a much better answer than I had. I was going to say:
Ice Cream. Lots of Ice cream. Start at one end of the frozen food isle and stop when you hit the first one you have never tried. Buy that. When that is gone, (unless it is the same day), go back to the store and get the next one you haven't tried. When you hit "Moose Tracks," buy two of those. It's really good.
When you get to the 5 quart tub size, you may share those.
And if you ever run across "Dutch Holland (brand) Chocolate Chip," immediatly email Pink Floyd and tell him where it is. My store quit carrying it.
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Mrs Pink and I talk about that question often. I don't know the answer. You pray and listen and wait for peace of mind. It is hard because you raise your sons all their life talking about missions and how important they are, then when you go, you wonder what you have done. At least I have.
It is hard to wait for that first letter too. They have them write one right away, but it takes a few days to get in the works. I feel your pain.
Posts: 11704 | Registered: Nov 2000
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Maggy - I so wish I could explain things better. The first time I was able to turn things over to Christ I thought I would be able to tell everyone, because once I had done it I wondered why I thought it was so hard. So I tried and tried with my DH, but he wasn't getting it. Then I came to another point in my life and funny thing was that even having gone through it, it was hard to do again.
I hope that doesn't sound too discouraging. I just don't want you to feel discouraged if you just can't hand it all to Christ. So let me see if I can explain it at all.
I think there are a lot of reasons why we get those burdens and then clutch onto them for dear life. Pride can be one of those things. Wanting to be independent. Lack of faith. Afraid that you are not worth it. Not understanding completely the gospel. Worried that you are not being responsible for yourself. Fear that if you give it to the Lord He will give you more to go through. There are probably dozens of other reasons.
I think if you find out what is stopping you it goes a long way to helping you give your burden to the Lord. I realized that first time that I didn't want to give up the controls. I was like a 2 yo, "This is my burden even if it's not good to hang on to it!" I found that I needed to have faith in Christ - that when He said He would do it and that it was easy for him(the next verse I didn't quote) He meant it. I was afraid that I would give it to Him and for some reason He wouldn't take it.
Living through the pain in some ways helped me to become more humble - to the point I could actually ask Him to take my burden. I had to humble myself enough to actually let go of it.
I remember praying about it and it didn't happen right away. What I have described above took some time before I was ready to pray. Then after praying specifically for this it took several days, but my burdens gradually became lighter till I had realized I had done it and I was at peace. This doesn't mean that everything was all better. I still had to work through this or that. I still had to feel some of the pain. It was just that I didn't have to carry the great weight that was making me tumble. That might sound like it is nothing much to some, but for me it was everything. It was the difference that made me able to keep going on and find joy.
So in a nutshell you can: follow th cross references in that scripture, look in the topical guide, read your patriarchal blessing, pray. These sources will all give you clues of what you need to do.
How will you know when you have? It's going to sound cliche, but I just knew. Perhaps it will be the same for you. I don't know if that is the same for everyone though. It may be that years from now you will look back and see that it had happened even though you didn't realize it at the time.
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And PF I can't believe you told her that ice cream was the thing that would help her! You of all people should know better. After all we both know that fry sauce and fries are the way to drown sorrows.
Posts: 5022 | Registered: Sep 2002
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youngmom: It is just so easy to get bad french fries (see McDonalds.) Ice Cream, on the other hand is much safer quality wise. Plus it is "storable." (Warmed up french fries at 2:00 in the morning, even in the microwave, when I am in need of comfort food, just adds to the depression. However, ice Cream at 2:00 in the morning is, well, frankly, worth getting up for.)
posted
I think it is time for some practical advise for maggy. I'll start it off:
What do you think of those "wall charts" where you put a sticker on every day marking off the days until he comes home? I think it is sort of depressing at first. It fills up so slowly. Maybe putting it up about Christmas time when you can put a whole bunch of stickers on it at once.
How about looking up stuff on Australia on the internet? (Just don't put in "Australia" and "snakes" in the google spot. shudder.)
ASIDE: Actually, KBYU has had a couple of programs on Australia on lately. Last night was all the nasty spiders, snakes, jelly fish, etc. that live in Australia. I only sort of watched it because the baseball game was on at the same time. But from what I saw, it was pretty cool and I found out that people don't usually die from bites. It actually made me feel better about Pink Billy Joe's snake story in his email a couple of weeks ago. Last week on KBYU, it was a special about train tours in Australia. Nice countryside vistas.
How about packing up juniors room? It has been 4 months since Pink BJ left. We still haven't gotten to the carpet level completly in his room yet. Mrs. Pink wants to turn it into a scrapbooking room while he is gone. Pink Klark's room got turned into a sewing room when he left. He never got it back all the way when he got home...
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I did think of one of those poster with stickers.
Told my Husband I wanted it for christmas matter of fact- because I could put a lot on at once.
Ture enough about the ice cream.
I felt good to see a little blue sky today. I had a blessing last night, took a early morning walk, and think I will head to the temple. Then make a good long list of all the things I could get done while he is gone. No kids left at home so I don't need to change his room. I just shut the door maybe I will clean it before he comes home maybe I will let him do it himself, since he was told to do it before he left! I am thinking I wont turn off his cell phone, only $20 a month and I can call it and hear his voice. Ohh so silly.
posted
I second the idea of a tape on his ed as well as yours. The biggest problem I had with that when I was getting a tape recorder. (We were told not to bring them and then we needed them to listen to the tapes we were told to listen to. LOL). Luckily I could get them in a store nearby. I don't know anything about Australia though.
I think it's important to write, but once in awhile the tapes were great. It was so much faster and I could talk in a conversational way about the things we were doing. Talk more like me.
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PF - you do have a point there. I have actually met people who think that McDonalds fries were the best ones out there though and all I can do is wonder if they have just not tried ny others.
Mrs. Pink scrapbooks? Does she ever go to crops? I know there are tons of us that scrapbook in UT, but it makes me wonder if I have met her.
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Is there some kind of samll video thing where he could just send the tape back, I could download it something, clear it and send one back to him.
Will that just increase homesickness if he gets it?
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Oh, and Pink Klark gave his cassette player away 3 months after he got to Ivory Coast. It was hard to get mad at him: He gave the player and his cassette of hymns to the branch president so they could have music in their meetings after he was transfered.
Posts: 11704 | Registered: Nov 2000
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We bought every book on Australia we could get our hands on... Our other missionary had been to Australia to train with the Australian polevaulters in Adelaide a couple of years ago and brought back all these great souvies...so we hung up the boomarangs and the cloth map of Australia and got out the Kooala bears and put it all in "Elder basketballs " room.
I gave all my boys a little hand held tape recorder that takes the micro tapes so they could tape things and send home... we then resend the tapes.
When I told my boy about your boy he got all goofy about it ...thought it was pretty cool to be going to the same place. And then I got thinking ( I am slow to catch on) because your boy is learning Mandarin, they will be in the MTC at the same time.
Oh and then on our boys cell phone... I didnt turn it off because I would listen to his voice message that comes on when you call the phone. ( lame ) here it is 18 months later and I still listen to his voice!
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My cats love McDonald's fries. My mother would buy them their own container. Then one day the local McDonald's started using vegetable oil, so the cats stopped eating the fries.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Jul 2004
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One thing that helped a sister I know was planning different little projects and presents for her son. He served a mission in the Andes, apparently, and people are dirt-poor there. He mentioned in one letter that there weren't things to buy even though he had money, so instead of sending spending money, she started sending things for him, his companions, and the people he worked with. At one point, she made 11 sturdy quilts and sent them one by one (couldn't send a package that big) for him to give to families with small children living literally in open shacks in the winter. He had his birthday 3 months before he was due to leave, so she got a different kind of candy for each day he had left, starting on his birthday, and put a scripture on it. She sent it all four weeks before his birthday so it would get there on time, and worried it would be too early. However, it got there two weeks before he was due to leave! So he, his companion, and a whole lot of little kids in his area were madly eating chocolate for two weeks. Posts: 8161 | Registered: Aug 2004
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I feel better today. By the way I love Mrs. Pink's hair, its the look I am shooting for lately. Going to the scrapbook expo today, then for french fries. So excited to go. There is a bunch of missionary stuff there I just know it!
I think my Hubby can build be a mailbox shelter around the box, so I can sit there and do stuff, knitting, scrapbooks etc. While i wait for the mail. Afterall the winters here are much anymore.
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You won't need the mailbox shelter. Once he gets to Australia, you will be sitting around the computer at 1 in the morning on the day before his P days waiting for the email to come in.
Not that I would know anything about that...
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Of course you are heart sick !!!! I could not believe how painful it was the first time we had a missionary go out. This was when the boys still went to the MTC to check in and not to the stake center to be loaded onto buses... I felt like they were marching off to the black hole and I would never see him again. I moped about for days. I have a boy out in the field now with 6 months to go and my youngest enters the MTC on Dec. 1st. Yes, I have know exactly your heartache. It is normal ... it will pass . And it does go by quickly. write to him right away. Keep your letters positive though. DOn't let him know how mopey you are about having him leave the nest. The Lord will bless your family in so many ways. It is the greatest experience I have ever had. I am sorry about your Mom and your Mom in law. I know that feeling too. Sounds like they are needed in heaven to give guidance to your missionary and your daughter in her trials ahead. They will be watching over you from above. Bless you .
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but they come home so grown up. They learn such great things ... it is so worth it ! Look to the Moms of the Stripling warriors for strength.
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Probably something like that
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