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And Jen was filled with joy, that in her household they were blessed with daughters, yet in the house of Jen there were no sons. And Jen saw the book which Janey and DaKnife bought, and saw that daughters were indeed good for Jen.
But it came to pass that Jen was much wearied. For Jen had taken her daughters to the zoo the day before, and there was much walking, being difficult for Jen who was great with child and who had almost reached the time that she was to be delivered. And early the next morning, it appeared that it was time for this third daughter to come to the world. Therefore, Jen did labor for the space of two hours early that morning. But it came to pass that this labor was false.
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And Daknife was filled with sorrow and compassion at the near famine of Y chromosomes within the household of Jen, that she might not partake of the joys of the Book.
But then Daknife was moved upon even unto rememberance of a reference link at the land of Amazon. Yea and Daknife did remember this book.
Yea and Daknife was comforted that Jen and her offspring of the many X Chromosomes might also find many fun activities, that they too might have many hours of great joy and happiness one with another, that their family might be strengthened. Though the DH of Jen might mourn at the newfound abundance of girlystuff within his household.
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And Nita had gratitude for the correction of DaKnife, for Nita did not know how to make the link more exacting. And thus she thanked DaKnife for fixing the link.
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And it came to pass that I, Janey, did take my niece, even the fruit of the loins of my brother-in-law, to the library that she might be taught in all the learning of her aunt. Inasmuch as the elements were tempered that there was no rain, and the sun shone pleasantly yet not with exceeding heat, I pondered the best mode of transportation to the library, as its location is nigh unto my sister's house.
And it came to pass that my niece brought forth her scooter, and offered it unto me. And even she did sneak out her brother's scooter. And we set forth upon our scooters for the library.
And it came to pass that within a short space of time I, Janey, did notice the presence of several muscles in the glutimus maximus area which had not heretofore received such a strenuous workout. And I marveled that scooting required so much effort from that area of the body, inasmuch as I had assumed that the legs would be most used. And it came to pass that I, Janey, had not heretofore paid much attention to the exceedingly large hill between my sister's house and the library. And the hill did cause much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, or it would have, had I not needed all of my breath for breathing.
And it came to pass that my niece did exceed me in speed, balance, and endurance. And it came to pass that the reading lesson was exceedingly long, yea, even lasting until I felt able to scoot home. And it came to pass that the other side of the hill was just as high as the first side of the hill.
And I, Janey, did fall to the earth with exhaustion, and did declare unto my niece, "next time we're riding bikes."
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And I the True Nauvoodle having been born of goodly Nauvoodle parents, did decide that I too must play with these computer gadgets.
And thus did I spend many hours sitting in the lap of my mother, and I did help mommy type, yea even to cause changes to the screen.
And it was with great joy that I did learn to pound the keys, and that by my pounding could many great and funny changes be wrought upon the screen.
And it came to pass that I was able to teach mommy many new tricks, such as scrolling down the page at each pound of the spacebar, and many other marvelous tricks did she learn of my pounding.
But Lo daddy would always keep his laptop out of my reach. And this did cause great weeping and wailing and gnashing of gums of me.
And it came to pass that daddy's heart was softened, and he did put his computer down for me to pound on.
But his heart was not truly softened , yea he pushed the silver button to turn off the computer, that I might not delete important files from work.
And it came to pass that I did reach forth my hand unto that same button, and I did turn my daddy's laptop back on.
And Daddy was astonished.
And it came to pass that daddy's heart was further softened, and he did create a user profile for me, that I might be able to bash away at will and not harm daddy's work.
And thus was I able to pound and bash away at will on daddy's laptop. And I found great joy. Yea and I did discover that I could pull off the keys from daddy's keyboard.
And daddy's heart was instantly hardened against me. And no amount of wailing and gnashing of gums could soften his heart.
Thus was I returned unto mommy's lap, and I did promptly reach up and pull keys off the laptop mommy uses.
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And Gracie did laugh. Even unto giggling fits. ANd she spake unto herself saying, I like this kid. Yeah, even would I steal him and bring him unto mine own house and laugh when he built catapults.
And she did laugh some more. Not at Janey and DaKnife but with them. Mostly Posts: 7993 | Registered: Jun 2005
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And afrieds did ask, "Hast not DaKnife heard of Toddler Keys?" For this program had become a great lifesaver in her house. Toddler Boy (for she could no longer call him baby) has learned much of the workings of the computer.
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And the sister of ketchupqueen's father did take pity on ketchupqueen because the youngest of her daughters was obsessed with the keyboard and mouse of her computer, and the elder of her daughters would not share the Superman laptop with the youngest, and did buy the youngest daughter her own laptop, which did have many excellent baby-distracting features, yea, even a mouse that moved and clicked. And the youngest daughter of the queen of ketchup did rejoice exceedingly, at least until her sister did attempt to take the laptop away from her and direct her in the proper use of it, when the youngest princess was playing happily.
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And it came to pass that I, Janey, did number the laptop computers in the household. Behold, even verily I did discover that there are more laptops than bedrooms. Thus it may come to pass that the fruit of the loins of DaKnife may have to share a bedroom, but will never have to share a laptop. But verily, even some of the laptops are obsolete, and fit only for use as paperweights and baby toys. And I, Janey, did give unto The True Nauvoodle an old obsolete laptop. And he did bang on the keys for only a few moments, for key banging did not affect the blank screen. And The True Nauvoodle did return unto my leg, where he did whimper and pull until I did relent and perched him on my lap again.
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As soleil was traveling forth to the land of Costco, she did see a certain book, that was after the manner of the other book which had been buried deep in the earth, and it appeared that the new book was a companion and a helpmeet for the other book.
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And Bluestocking did fall at Soleil's feet and kiss them with gratitude (but she dared not weep upon them for fear of our dearest Janitor).
For Bluestocking did have three boys and their book is already in our possession. But she also had one daughter who divides up her qualities into her "tomboy side" and her "girly-girl" side. And Bluestocking did look upon the book for girls and know that it would be received with great glee by her dearest daughter at this Christmas time.
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And behold, Sparky, feeling low of heart and of mind, desireth to rise above the dross of the world, doth taketh it upon herself to reread the "Talk Like a Book of Mormon Day" thread. And it came to pass that the mists of darkness were replaced by the light of laughter, and Sparky doth rejoiceth to the high heavens for the land of Nauvoo.
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For behold, it did come upon Jana of the house of JADE, a pondering spirit. This spirit came upon her as her youngest child, a maiden of impressionable age and questioning mind, came into the tent of her mother with news from within the congregation of the faithful,,, which congregation is troubled and worried by many a strife and diverse tribulations.
For it came to pass that the maiden, being a sociable and curious mortal, was passing by a married woman, yeah the spouse of the counselor to the bishop of the congregation, which counselor is also of the same tribe as his sister renowned for diaper throwing in a holy gathering, and for burning her priesthood garments for she wished to imbibe strong drink and fully enjoy a gentile lifestyle.
And to the amazement of the maiden, this married woman, who is in her third decade, and seemeth sane, and who proclaims she has overcome the misguided errors of her youth, was displaying with joy a newly made mark of curious design, which curious design was worked with indelible ink, yeah even a tattoo, upon her foot.
And this news was brought to Jana in her tent by her daughter, who wondered why it was okay for the spouse of the counselor to the Bishop to mark herself in this manner while the Prophet of God has clearly counseled against it.
And Jana in her tent pondered these things, was not amused at the perfidy of those who present themselves as righteous examples and wished yet again that her children could be protected from the questionable influences that abound in the local congregation of the faithful.
And she trembled and was weary as she yearned for Zion.
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Wherefore Polly did receive an impression to her mind that the Lord did have compassion on the daughter of Jana and she did feel to remind, her friend of the good tidings of the scriptures which imparteth that yea the Savior at many times seeks to turn that which is not good into a blessing for the faithful.
Be of good cheer Jana... for out of that which is not so glorious to look at, doth the Lord extend miracles in the lives of His children... even like a pearl doth come from the ugly oyster.
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And it came to pass that boys will boys and none shall stop them from it. And thus we see that Gracie's son did return to her tent from his wanderings at the farm saying "come mother, that thou mayest look upon my huge bucket of frogs". And Gracie looked and beheld there were frogs in the bucket. And Gracie was struck with fear and did shreik "get those things out of our tent lest they hop this way and that way and we are over run".
But the boy did not harken unto the words of his mother. He set his heart upon the treasure of a bucket full of amphibians and his ears were shut up. And it came to pass that they father of the boy did intercede and speak unto Gracie saying "relax, the boy has covered the bucket and no frog can escape there from, yea not on leap or wiggle."
But Gracie relaxed not even though the family did journey forth for a Sunday drive. Lo, even though there was no fighting and not one child looked upon the face of another nor placed and part of their body in the personal space of another, still Gracie did not relax.
And it came to pass that the hours were spent even unto night and it was time to return to the tent. And the boy upon entering the tent said "Uh oh". And Gracie spake unto the boy saying "thou hadst better be kidding or thou wilt surely die." Then did the boy speak unto his father, even his accomplice and say unto him "Dad, can I talk to you in the other room..."
Then did Gracie look upon the bucket and beheld its great emptiness and she did grind her teeth and curse mightily. Then did all the household of Gracie fall upon their knees and seek earnestly for frogs.
And it came to pass that husband of Gracie was trying to help but he still thought it was funny and kept grinning when Gracie looked not. And his father called unto his son on the telephone and they laughed together at the plagie of the frogs. And Gracie thought unto herself, "always before I have loved these two men but today my love has waxed cold for all who laugh as I crawl unpon the ground looking for frogs."
And thus we see that little tiny frogs can travel great distances yea, even 2 rooms away to hop about the room of the boy's sister. And they did hop out from behind Gracies curtains in the rubble of the boys room. Great was the frogs number and hoppy were the legs there of.
Inasmuch as Gracie has the speed and agility of one who has spent many days dead, she did look upon the floor and the children did leap to catch. And it came to pass that after much leaping and wailing and nashing of teeth were all the frogs caught from all corners of the house. And the son of Gracie did march, yeah even very quickly, by her side unto the place of the canal. And then he did tip his bucket and the frogs hopped to freedom.
And Gracie spake unto her son saying, thou mayest never look upon the face of another frog again, neither a water snake, nor a field mouse, yea thou mayest look upon and catch only cows as they are too big for the bucket.
But as they returned to the tent, Gracie saw that her husband had not shut up his laughing. Yea he still thought it was funny. And Gracie did look upon her sons face and see that he was trying not to laugh and she was sore afraid. Then did she take the bucket and shut it up with fear and trembling.
Thus passed the plague of frogs upon the house of Gracie. But the trouble of Gracie's son did not pass. Yea verily, he shall pay.
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And it came to pass that the speakings of Gracie did bring much mirth to the house of Janey.
And Janey dwelt in a frog-free house, but did read Gracie's adventures as a shadow of things to come.
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And Sparky saw that Janey and DaKnife, despite being on opposite sides of the earth, doth have a strong connection between them nonetheless. And it was good.
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And behold, when Janey saw DaKnife's writings, she did immediately log off of nauvoo and into the instant messenger. And it came to pass that Janey and DaKnife did speak much by way of typing. Alas, the webcam was deprived of bandwidth, insomuch that it worked poorly, even unto dropping the connection.
And Janey did give thanks to modern technology for making it possible to speak with her husband unto the ends of the earth.
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And yungmom did pray and give thanks that Janey and Daknife could speak monitor to monitor.
Yea, she did pray that no more plagues should befall the tent of EDG.
But with all her heart did she continue her prayers for the house of Jade. Yea she exerciseth with all her faith that a seed of support should be planted in the heart of Jana's ward.
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And it came to pass that dianoia did say to her husband, "Behold, it is now past time to get rid of the fence that is around the patio, for it doth divide our backyard into tiny unusable bits."
For verily, the previous owner of our house was a bit crazy in his mind, as he did put garden hoses in the walls for homemade air-conditioning, and pipes that went outside without winter protection, and strangest of all, did put in a brick patio without levelling it off. And the brick patio was on such a slant that plates would verily slide off the side of a picnic table, so that I, dianoia, did shake my head and wonder at the craziness thereof.
And it came to pass that the husband of dianoia did take his drill, and the sons of dianoia did find the sledgehammer, and great was the fall of the patio fence. And when the smoke and rubble had cleared, behold the backyard was not as tiny as it had originally seemed, so that we all did ask, "Why did we not do this two years ago?"
And behold, we did turn on the sprinkler for the very first time, and much rejoicing was heard from ToddlerGirl and Son3. And so great was their joy that I, dianoia, did not mind that they did drip throughout the house in their comings and goings.
And now at last remains the task of convincing the husband of dianoia that we need a Costco trampoline, and this many a year have we not ceased in our cryings, and we have hope that finally he may repent of his hardheartedness.
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And it came to pass that the son of Raro and the foster daughter of Raro did enjoy themselves on the back deck, yay, exceedingly, for they did discover a bucket of curious workmanship in which there was rain water. And lo, in the rain water they did discover tadpoles, yea, an exceeding great number, such that the number could not be counted. For a frog had somehow climbed up onto the stairless deck (and thus we see how the Lord prospers frogs to create mighty miracles of climbing)and laid her eggs in the bucket.
And the children of Raro did beseach her exceedingly to keep the tadpoles, but Raro stood firm in her desire to dump them into the creek. But after much lamentations and weeping and wailing, Raro did foolishly consent to keep a few of the tadpoles.
And it came to pass that the tadpoles did grow, until they were too big to fit in the critter box that had come from Walmart. And Raro, with much muttering and griping, did go to Walmart to buy a second critter box.
And behold, the children of Raro did rejoice exceedingly in the creations of the Lord and the niceness of their mother in keeping the tadpoles. And Raro has prophesied much concerning the fate of the tadpoles, which has yet to be determined...
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And it came to pass that as Polly read the words of her fellow Nauvoodles (having at one time been the mom with boys that gathered many a creature she did not appreciate...) Yeah, she did remember the words of her mother who did teach her (when her children were young and full of mischief) that these things would someday be something she would miss, when her children were older and had established tents of their own... and so that she would desire to have grandchildren to watch grow...
And Polly did acknowledge that her mother was so very right that this was one of the reasons grandchildren are so wonderful to behold for grandparents... that they do gather and keep things like the tadpoles and frogs and other creepy crawly things in someone else's tent so she would someday find joy in the creatures without the mess in her own tent!
And she saw and felt the wisdom of the Lord that was seeping into her heart as she pondered these things, that this life is truly a circle of love and joy... (especially when someone else is fielding the frogs... )
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And the days were accomplished that is was time for the dreaded rehearsal. And Gracie did wake up many times in the night with ice cold fear in her heart because of the great iniquity of ballerinas and their mothers.
And it came to pass that Gracie sent out a decree unto all the land of ballet saying, See that you do not annoy me or vex me or go to the bathroom at inopportune times. And she spake unto the mothers saying, I am not the complaints department and I desireth not to hear the special feelings of your heart. Yea, I will do my job and thy will hold thy tongue and we shall part as friends in a very timely manner.
And the day for rehearsing came and Gracie went up to the auditorium prepared for great battle and much wailing. But a great wonderment happened, even so great a wonderment as had never before been seen. The ballerinas turned their hearts from their evil ways and searched their remembrances and did recall the ways of Gracie.
And gracie did speak unto them saying "where are you supposed to be" and they knew and they went unto that place and they did not make vain excuses or roll their eyes or in any way volunteer for the beating of a lifetime.
And a small band of ballerinas spoke unto Gracie saying, in our youth we did fear you mightily even unto fleeing and hiding. But now we see that hiding is useless for you will find us and also you are pretty nice. So we fear you no more. And Gracie spake unto them saying, Yeah, I am not scary and many days of the year you need have no fear of me. But on this day and the next remember the fears of your youth and get where you are supposed to be.
And ballerinas did flee, but they did so laughing and skipping and some returned to hang on Gracie after the fashion of a hug. And that did laugh and say kind things and ask if Gracie had watched them dance and asked for help with shoes and all manner of apparel.
And thus we see that after many seasons, ballerinas were trained and they did obey even unto the smooth running of the rehearsal. Yea, even slicker than snot.
And Gracie returned home and kicked off her shoes and ate cake saying, who would have thunk it?
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And I did behold the boy child in my arms and did give thanks according to the manner of grandmothers. And after many years had passed away, the boy did fall prey to his hormones and stature, yea whining and rolling his eyes and engaging in all manner of obnoxious behavior. And in the summer of his fourteenth year, yea, he did raise his voice continually, exclaiming,"Wo, wo unto me, for I have not got a job, neither have I means nor cell phone minutes."
And as he was thus lamenting, yea the sister of his mother, a woman mighty in virtue and wisdom did appear unto him saying,"Jacob, Jacob, why whinest thou?"
And he was sore amazed, for he had become a mighty whiner, and knew not the ways of the WhineNotters, neither the power of self-sufficiency. And he did fall down upon the ground, weeping and wailing, for the season of scorched earth and boredom was nigh, yea even at the doors.
And the sister of his mother did command him, saying, Arise, Jacob, get ye up and ride upon thy bike until thou hast come to the place called Tryouts. And Jacob did as she commanded him, pedaling mightily until he came to the marquee, upon which was written in the language of his fathers, WEST SIDE STORY.
And with much fear and trembling, Jacob did stand forth and did cry mightily, and did offer up a song of great sincerety. And the Queen whose name was Drama Director did embrace him, and did comfort him, and did give him gifts of scripts and schedules. And Jacob ceased to whine.
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For behold, Confutus, having been called as a Ward Family History Consultant, did begin to turn his heart unto his fathers and his mothers, and unto their posterity. And behold, their descendants were exceedingly many. Yea, he did estimate that the posterity of his great-great grandparents did number unto the tens of thousands.
And he beheld the book of the New Familysearch, and beheld that his ancestors had been named, yea, all save a few of them unto many generations. For behold, he had many kindred who had long searched out the names of their fathers and mothers and labored in the temples for their salvation. And it came to pass that he recalled the decision of his youth, that he would take upon himself to correct the many errors of men that had had crept into the books of his ancestry, and with joy he began the labor of making connections and corrections.
But behold, so many were his kindred, and so exceedingly many errors had crept into the books of his ancestors, that the true and correct chapters were too large to be written. Ant it same to pass that he percieved that many of the errors might as well have been engraven upon stone, for they could not be corrected. And it came to pass that he began to call upon his kindred to assist him in correcting those errors that could be fixed, but they heeded him not. And it came to pass that those who answered at all did revile against the New Familysearch and did refuse to use it. And he began to despair.
But behold, he did remember the words of his Regional Advisor who spake words of caution about the heedless use of the New Familysearch, saying "Know Thy Family". And it came to pass that the father of Confutus came after him and saw some of the things he had done, and said "Where didst thou get thy information?" And it came to pass that Confutus was ashamed, for he had guessed.
And Confutus looked again upon the book of his ancestors, and said "I know not these people". And he began to search out the true and correct information, and did find some of their stories.
And it came to pass that as he searched the book of his ancestors more fully, he began to perceive that among them were mighty saints of old, and he said "How is it that their deeds have been forgotten? For I did not know these things."
And he beheld that in places the names of his kindred did fill the cemeteries, and reasoned that his more distant kindred must be thick upon the ground. And he also beheld that families were not complete unto themselves, but that their close kindred did often live nearby, and that they would influence one another. And he began to percieve that the dates and places which were given in the Family Group Records could be placed in order to form the skeleton of a story, yea, that even knowing their nearby relatives would give begin to add substance to the skeleton.
And it came to pass that in the fullness of time, he determined that he would create a web site. Yea, he began to write write the stories of his ancestors, and he did begin to hope that his family, yea, all his many kindred, would approve the work, and contribute to it, and begin to see and rejoice in the more complete knowledge of their ancestors, that the prophecy that the hearts of the children should be turned to their fathers might be more completey fulfilled.
quote:or in any way volunteer for the beating of a lifetime
And it came to pass that CrowGirl found much mirth and wisdom in her fellow Nauvoodles. And her heart was gladdened, yea, even unto smiling mightily.
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And it came to pass that, in the ending of the first year, the bishop did take accounting of all the tithe payers in his ward.
And it came to pass that there were many, yeah, exceeding many, of the rising generation, who did bring in their tithes in small coin.
And the bishop did behold Josh and his ten thousand pennies; and Dallin and his ten thousand; and Michael and his ten thousand; and David and his ten thousand; yeah, and there was not room enough in the bank deposit bag to receive them all.
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