posted
Curious on thoughts on this..recently at a singles activity, while helping clean up, several people (male and female) talked about being "cornered" by a member of the opposite sex. One girl said she once had to ask a guy to move so she could go to the bathroom. She also said some girls are very agressive and "corner guys" in whom they are interested.
Do you all think that people think shy/nervous people are seen as "cornerers"? ie if I am talking w/someone as I feel comfortable w/them, am I perceived as a "cornerer"? Is just walking across the room to say hi to someone deemed as cornering? I think there is a difference, hopefully they can tell. Do others?
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posted
You know, you could call or email and give your report and then your HPGL wouldn't have a chance to do that.
quote:Do you all think that people think shy/nervous people are seen as "cornerers"?
I've never seen that in a shy person. I've only seen it in an aggressive person and I don't just mean physically aggressive.
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posted
In my experience cornering has less to do with the behavior of the person talking to me and more to do with the way I feel about the conversation. I feel cornered if it's a conversation I don't want to have, either because I'm not comfortable with the person or because I feel guilty about not having done my visiting teaching or whatever. If a good friend were to come up and start talking to me at an inopportune moment and I had to excuse myself -- even if I had to interrupt their lengthy conversation to get out of it -- I doubt I would be thinking they had "cornered" me. If someone I don't really enjoy talking to does the same thing, I may feel cornered as soon as I see them coming.
I'm sure there are a few people whose physical style puts someone in an actual corner where they feel they can't get out, but like I said, to me it usually depends almost entirely on how I feel about having that conversation.
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posted
I have gotten to the point where I just call the EQP, with my home teaching report, good or bad.
I do this for two reasons:
1. These days, barring unforeseen circumstances, it's always good.
2. I was in an Elders quorum presidency. They need the information, no matter what it is. Why make them call me for it when I know this fact?
Oh, and on the cornering thing: As a large person, I always try to not give the impression of cutting off any "avenues of escape" when having a conversation.
posted
Sometimes it's legitimate, a lot of time it's a linguistics "trick" I feel is used a lot in various areas. We take a word with a lot of emotional 'umph' to it and widen the definition. We make it so that it's so broad as to include acts that don't have near the same meaning as the feelings we have associate with the word; then we plug that word back into our desciprtion knowing full well that the word hasn't lost its impact on the person we're speaking to even though we've removed the reason it had that impact.
Getting "cornered" at a singles event can have a pretty large range of meanings. In my (limited) experience it's normally being asked on a date by someone you don't want to have ask you on a date. Sometimes it's actually quite creepy behavior in which the person really feels threatened, but normally it's not. Since the whole point of most singles events for most people is to find I date, I have limited sympathy for those who are asked on a date.
posted
No, shy people talking to others doesn't constitute cornering.
Cornering has to do with talking with someone and not allowing that person to leave the conversation gracefully. Ignoring social clues or body language which shows that person wants to leave is a tenet of cornering.
Nita, feel free to go up to anyone, male or female, to say hi and have a conversation. Be alert to clues that they may need/want to leave the situation (and don't think it's because they don't want to talk to you--it could be a variety of other reasons).
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Nita - so this has me wondering,if someone has said you were cornering someone?
quote: Yeah, but that means I'd have to actually get my home teaching done before the last week of the month, and then email him the report before the end of month. You might as well suggest I move mountains.
As a former VT supervisor and coordinator I would much prefer you just tell me you haven't done it then having to try and contact people multiple times. My frustration always came from people not letting me know or avoiding me, not that it didn't get done.
posted
There are folks who ignore social clues, and there are folks who are just clueless about social clues. We add grief that doesn't belong, when we judge someone to be one or the other - often we don't have the tools to make an appropriate judgement.
But yeah, folks who don't respond to social clues are hard to deal with, whether it's intentional or not. It's why we dislike jerks and drunks, and it's one reason why folks with autism find it hard to be liked by us.
quote:I'll admit I'm not very good at nuanced nonverbal communication. What's wrong with saying, "I'm sorry, please excuse me," and stepping away when you feel cornered? Really, is any explanation needed for excusing yourself from an uncomfortable situation?
Because if you are the one doing the cornering (actual cornering, not oblivious interacting), then you will ignore even that sign.
It happens. I've had to just be rude (my interpretation of rude) to people to leave the conversation. The obvious body language and social signs weren't working. Neither did the verbal, "I need to leave now. Please, excuse me." So, I just left with the guy still talking to me walking away. Some people can't do that--their sensibilities won't allow them to be that rude (their interpretation of rude).
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Friend of mine moved to northern Utah, she needs to come back to take care of her land which Hick and I are trying to clean up for her. I asked her where she will be staying, she said in a tent on her property "unless someone will let me stay with them, that is."
"Well, you will be camping out then, huh?"
"yes, for two weeks, and I will be going to your place for showers and clothes washing."
Not asking, just implying that I will host her, and when I did not tell her to just come on over, she just invites herself to my place for water use.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is corner-ing.
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quote: Nita - so this has me wondering,if someone has said you were cornering someone?
No, no one said that..just the conversation made me wonder if the guy I'm interested might ever think that if I talk to him..also sometimes as a shyer person in social things, I might feel comfy talking w/someone. SO just wondered if the person feels "cornered" or "stuck" talking w/me..I don't think that too often..just thinking maybe I should say I feel comfortable w/you but here is your escape clause! Anyway, thanks everyone for the thoughts!
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