posted
Let me just say I'm glad I live where I do. This issue is so cultural. Why are Americans so keen on titles? Here the only people you call president is the president of the country and president Monson. Even with him we rather say prophet Monson. Everyone else is a "leader". I like it better. We're to lead, not so much to preside (though we have authority). Anyway, this article to me is rather irrelevant.
Besides, I honor the calling of mother so to me being xx's mom is a sign of respect.
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posted
Respect doesn't come from being a certain age or being grownup. It comes from how you act towards others. And personally I feel to call someone Mrs. when they prefer to be called by first name is a lack of respect just as calling someone by their first name when they prefer to be called Mrs.
I feel people should be called what they prefer to be called. I teach my children to say Mr. & Mrs. And Brother & Sister, but if the person lets them know they can or want to be called by their first name then I encourage my children to call them that.
quote: But I think any adult prefers being "Sister Roper" to "Hey Julie's Mom" no matter the setting.
I'd much prefer to be called "Julie's Mom." In fact I love hearing it and I always hear it with respect towards me. When I'm called "sister Roper" all I hear is the title and not the respect that comes from these children I have worked with.
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posted
Interesting. I would also agree that this is cultural, but it appears that Canadians are MORE formal than Americans.
Personally, I'd be appalled if my children's teachers asked to be addressed by their first name. It's just not heard of here, even at the High School level.
And at church, unless it's another adult, I'm Sister Lastname. It's actually a rite of passage for young women moving up into Relief Society, where many woman will say to them, "We are now sisters, and equals. Please call me by my first name." It takes a little while for the younger sisters to feel comfortable doing it, but I think it makes an important distinction between YW and RS.
I admit, it would make me feel very uncomfortable to have a child refer to me by my first name. (Not to say that it is wrong, it's just what I'm used to.)
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posted
I'm Mrs. Sparky at school, and whenever I talk about my husband, it's Mr. Sparky likes this, Mr. Sparky and Sammy (dog) did that, etc. Of course, when the kids have been mine for a while, then I occasionally become mom by accident. It's an accident I always love because it means that I've made that so important connection with my students. When they call me mom I'll reply "hey baby!" It always brings a laugh and then we go on from there.
I always enjoy telling the young women when they've graduated to Relief Society that they can call me by my first name. I love it when we become equals.
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posted
Those that have talked about becoming "equals" - what do you mean by that? I always equate that with being of equal value, but I am assuming you are using "equals" in a different way. Also is this a word you have just used here for this conversation, or do you always think of YW becoming "equals" when they enter RS? Just trying to clarify what you mean.
posted
I think a movement exists of wanting to treat children as "equals" for lack of a better term. I agree with that insofar as treating them with respect, providing them with what they need, etc.
But I think the mistake comes when children don't learn that they do need to show respect to authority figures: parents, friends' parents, church leaders, teachers, coaches, eventually bosses. Even if they might not like them or agree with them all the time. I've seen with my husband's siblings, some of whom never learned this, that it has harmed them their whole lives. Lack of respect for one's authority figures leads to pretty quick job loss, traffic tickets, and other things.
The caveat, of course, is that we must teach our children that while they should show respect to adults (who have lived longer, have more experience, hold more responsibility including that of keeping children safe, etc.), that that does not give adults license to abuse their authority through bullying or abuse of any kind.
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posted
What I mean when I say "becoming equals," it means that I no longer, by virtue of being an adult and them being a child, hold a position of power over them. We are on an equal footing as far as power goes . . . no longer adult and child but possibly friend and friend.
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A YW leader who is young and newly married may only be a few years older than the youth she serves, but her relationship with them is very different than it will be just a few short years later when they enter RS. (I encountered this this myself as a youth leader.)
For example, it would be inappropriate for a leader to confide in one of her youth, and yet totally appropriate to do that a few years later if that former young woman becomes her visiting teacher.
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posted
I grate at the perceived informality of first names immediately at introductions if the other person is much younger. I am not their friend. Yet. So, I like that Dutch call each other M'am and Sir until instructed differently.
A little Dutch manners: For grade schoolers, I was "the mother of David/Else" (MoedervanDavid!) which tickles me to this day. Little ones don't know last names so it makes sense. Grade school address for teachers is Master Firstname and Miss Firstname (even if she is married: actually she is called Juf which is a short form of Miss and connotes that she is a female teacher of the young. We refer to the teacher as the Juf.) We have the formal U form and the informal je form in address which means we always talk to secondary school teacher, elders, adults on the street and folks at church and God with the form of U, friends and family ( except really stiff parents) use the je form at home (Grandparents often let the je happen nowadays but I am the only one who calls great Gramma Je because I forget.) The children have been all pleased lately that they have come into the U form in shops. I suspect to be seen as all grown up is universal. So here in this country a combination of formal/title form of address and titles clues one in to what level of perceived respect and or authority one has.
My personal thorn: At church the formal form is normal, to the point that I didn't even know peoples first names for years. Now that Else will be 18 she will transform from Else Familyname to Sister Family name Junior, which I totally dislike. I refuse to answer to Sister Familyname Senior. I am sure I will run into some flack but my name is Jana so use it. Senior is not part of my name. ugh. Most of my friends are fine with "aunt" Jana for their kids because I prefer it--and 7 months ago I became Grammy Jana to a fine little man here at church.
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posted
I teach my kids to call adults Mr. and Mrs. [Lastname]. At church, Bro. and Sis. [Lastname].
If you want something different out of my kids, it's your job to let them know. We have better things to do than keep track of a bunch of paradoxical and impossible-to-guess rules and norms and preferences.
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